Day 22 - How have you changed in the past 2 years?
Hm past 2 years eh, that would put me back all the way back to freshman year. Oh joy time to start reminiscing/ thinking about what I've become.
Coming into Grove City, I was essentially a typical naive private school kid. I mean I wasn't totally sheltered and unsociable, I was perhaps compared to now more boring? However that was quickly changed with the people I hung out with mainly the swim team here and my freshman hall. My freshman hall definitely brought out the shenanigans part of me and I can definitely attribute many a skill to my freshman RA and just things learned from the hall. My naivety was decreased by the manner of things I began to fully grasp and then as well express myself in terms of jokes and other such stuff. Mind you sometimes I wonder if I was better off being in the dark sometimes but then I realize I would've figured it out eventually so better then than later. I also quite stressful on myself with all the things I was juggling and needed to learn how to relax but action on that didn't come that year.
Going into sophomore year, I learned the aspect of making sure to keep things as fun as possible. I tried that and succeeded most of the time except I still stressed out over academics and what not so it wasn't the best solution just yet. I was getting there but not just yet.
Wasn't until this year that I fully have become a much more relaxed person and am seeing that time with people is quite precious. So much more worth in that than stressing over tests and grades. Those do have importance and I still keep that in check but now I have come to love the time I get to see my friends and just overall my attitude on life has become so much better.
A thing that I struggled with freshman and sophomore year was my outlook on failed expectations. Sophomore year was really hard on that in the area of swimming and I was doing everything in my power to fix that and nothing came of it. But with the new outlook that I've come to know better, I've realized that yes success in the pool is one thing and sure I still have my goals. But to not enjoy what I'm doing makes the sport I love something totally meaningless and so whats the point in me beating myself up over that?
I've come a long way in those areas.
Now the one area that I wish to say that I've changed dramatically in but in reality I probably have only gained a few centimeters of growth is in my walk with the Lord. Perhaps I'm being modest, but I highly doubt that. I've always known that I need to fully surrender myself to the Lord and depend on Him; however being the stubborn ass I am I tend not to and thus bring failure and grief into my own life. Freshman year I really saw this and I tried to act on it but was unsuccessful throughout. Sophomore year I saw it more but took on myself to redouble efforts to fix it or mask it with relationships and short live happpiness. This year though I've seen it once again and am trying once again to see if I can actually get around to doing this. Full surrender is hard but to strive for it is definitely key and I aim to do so. We'll see what happens but the more I give over to the Lord results in me becoming a better person. Why would anyone not want that?
Time will only tell.
Prayers appreciated.
And if you, the reader, have anything on your heart feel free to ask/tell.
There's always time for others' needs.
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