Below is an article, one of my buddies wrote up while we were at school.
Thin-Slicing Relationships
“Thin-slicing” describes something that you did immediately after (or while) reading the title of this article. This action lasted for two seconds, at best, but more than likely it was less than one second. Subconsciously, you had a “gut reaction” to the article, instinctively making conclusions on the content, quality, and relevancy of the article, without even reading past the title. The title may have evoked certain memories, such as the thin-sliced meat on a sandwich consumed at lunch, whose qualities (no doubt) have perked or squelched your interest in the content to be found herein.
Let’s take a look at another example of thin-slicing. Take yourself back to Huma 101. Sit yourself back down in the chair where you were probably looking at pictures on Facebook more than you were paying attention to the professor in class.Let’s get more specific. Take yourself back to the first minute of that first class in this course. At this point, you had just met your professor. You had never heard him teach; only introductions and salutations had been made; more than likely, the syllabus had not yet been passed out. You knew very little, if anything, about the content of the course, the coursework itself, the professor teaching it, or the classmates adjacent to you. But yet, somehow, you had a “hunch” for whether this would be a “good” or “bad” class. Somehow, you just knew. Whether you were right or not is a different story.
Thin-slicing is a concept that was introduced to me in high school by an excellent writer named Malcolm Gladwell. Gladwell opens his book “Blink” by retelling the events surrounding a Greek kouros that was deemed a fake by two sources: scientific and legal analysis and highly-experienced archeologists. However, the time required to reach the same conclusion could not be more staggering. The scientific analysis consisted of mass spectrometry, x-ray scanning, and examination of the rock using a high-resolution stereomicroscope; to finally make a firm conclusion, the whole process took over 14 months (the first scientific analysis took 14 months – in which the kouros was deemed legitimate – but the second analysis confirmed it a fake). The archeologists, however, only took 2 seconds. They knew, intrinsically, that there was something awry; that something about the kouros looked fake, immediately after the kouros was revealed. One archeologist described his reaction at the first sight of the kouros as “intuitive repulsion.” These highly trained and experienced archeologists had a hunch; a gut-sense, an initial reaction, an inexplicable feeling governed by
instincts that enabled them to “understand the essence” of the kouros in a single glance and make an accurate
conclusion in very short time.
Get the idea yet?
The fact is that you, too, have this same capability. Gladwell states that “The part of our brain that leaps to conclusions like this is called the adaptive unconscious” (Gladwell 11) and can be thought of as a “giant computer that quickly and quietly processes a lot of the data we need in order to keep functioning as human beings” (11). It’s enormously powerful, and is a highly effective “decision-making apparatus that’s capable of making very quick judgments based on very little information” (12). We all use our adaptive unconscious in a variety of decision-making contexts, ranging from friends to food. I would like to consider in particular the context of relationships. My question is this: how does your adaptive unconscious affect the relationships you have with the opposite sex?
Allow me to break it down for you:
For the girls:
You’re walking back to your dorm from the library on a gorgeous, balmy Friday afternoon. Once the drums and cymbals of the construction begin to fade, your eyes set upon the serene, natural beauty of the quad. Today, however, there’s an additional beauty: HIM. You first saw him after rounding the construction site; naturally, he’s playing Frisbee, with a mixed crowd of guys and girls (most likely going back to freshman year brother-hall sister-hall). Much to your chagrin, he has opted for the sleeveless T-shirt instead of shirtless.
Oh but what fortune! One of his friends has overthrown the Frisbee and it’s headed STRAIGHT for you! He, the man that Josh Harris told you about, the Disney movies praised, and your every dream fantasized is coming straight for you…. even if it is just to catch a Frisbee. But, you’re no stranger to Grove City, and you, too, are perfectly capable of catching a Frisbee with one hand while the other carries a stack of books back to the dorm to study all day tomorrow. And with little effort at all, you catch the overthrown Frisbee, just before he was about to layout across the sidewalk (you’re a savior, no doubt). He stops his frantic (but graceful) running and stops three feet away and smiles at you. You smile back at him. First impressions are made as you start to realize just how good he looks with a little sweat dripping down his handsome face and chiseled (not massive) biceps. You both introduce yourselves, say hello, he comments on your incredible catching ability, and then you dazzle him with your ability to flick the Frisbee back to him with your left hand.
At this point, he’s interested (try to throw a lefty flick and you’ll understand why). After catching your beautiful lefty flick, he throws the Frisbee back to one of his friends and spends five minutes getting to know you. Its small talk (what’s your major, where are you from, who’s your RA, the weather is uncharacteristically beautiful, etc.), but it never meant so much to you. After the shortest five minutes of your life, you say goodbye to him and watch his muscular calves ripple as he jogs back to the Frisbee game and you finish your trek to the dorm. You start thin-slicing, if you haven’t already done so for all five minutes of your time with him. You can’t help it – your adaptive unconscious is going crazy. You re-play the afternoon’s events over and over in your mind and whether you’d like to admit or not, something happened. You reached a conclusion. You made a judgment call. You like him. Adore him. You become friends on Facebook, become better friends... but I’m not going to talk about that, because I’m only interested in the afternoon where you first met.
For the guys:
You don’t know what you’re doing in South Lobby. For some strange reason, you chose to walk through the inner quad to the (in)famous lobby alone after dinner, and as you ascend the princess stairs to the main level, you’re greeted (to your surprise) by one of the girls on your sister hall. You respond cordially; however, you could care less about her right now, because of the gorgeous girl with whom your sister-hall friend was chatting prior to your ascent of the stairs. She’s got a great smile, she looks you straight in the eye, and you’re introduced to her by your friend and the three of you end up having a nice, enjoyable conversation. The conversation lasts only five minutes – you’re on your way to play video games, no doubt, and can’t spare more time. However, the walk back to the dorm is a little bit different this time. Yes, the video games are calling you, but your cold walk across the quad is interrupted by the memory of the very short conversation you had only moments ago. She really WAS cute. She really did look good in her (no doubt) super-modest, but classy, clothes. She was tastefully engaging in conversation, didn't just talk about the weather or about the mountains of work that she has to do, asked you questions about you, had some intellectual depth, and showed interest in you. What did that mean? Should I read into her interest in me? She even mentioned that she was planning to go to warriors in the evening; thus, she MUST be an incredibly Godly woman who loves the Lord! And there, in your mind, you realize that you like her. The “chemistry”
is there… you both got along so well! It was fun, it was enjoyable, and you could clearly see her playing Frisbee with you sometime (if you’re not playing video games, of course). Everything seems exactly right.
Congratulations. You’ve thin-sliced. Your adaptive unconscious is doing its thing. You made a judgment call. You reached a conclusion. You like her. Five minutes was clearly all you needed to determine she’s the one for you (sarcasm intended). You’ll probably go friend-request her on facebook before letting your brains ooze out your ears playing video games when you get back to the dorm.
Observations
There are a few things that I want to point out from both of these examples. The first thing is how much you truly do know about the other: it’s not much. In fact, it’s literally NOTHING. You don’t have more than five minutes with the other person, and you really don’t KNOW a person in that short amount of time. Of course, that’s more than enough time for your adaptive unconscious to thin-slice and produce a gut reaction. And note how this instinctive reaction (based solely upon a first impression) had an obvious effect: emotions and feeling were clearly stirred up. Is this bad? It can be. Thin-slicing is often allowed far too much control over our opinions of and actions towards people that we barely know. Thus, we are constantly faced with the challenge of putting thin-slicing in its proper place, which is very difficult because our adaptive unconscious is constantly thin-slicing regardless of context, place, time of day, etc. I would also assert that we ought not train ourselves to stop thin-slicing; it would be a shame to suppress the incredible
power of our minds to use and develop the ability to thin-slice. My appeal is this: in our relationships, we do not thinslice well.
Let’s go back to the Kouros. The archeologists were highly trained and experienced, with many years of work in the field. They had PhDs in archeology and knew exactly what to look for and how to look for it. As a result, they could thin-slice extremely accurately. Gladwell remarks: “being able to act intelligently and instinctively in the moment is possible only after a long and rigorous course of education and experience” (259). Being able to accurately thin-slice is a “kind of wisdom that someone acquires after a lifetime of learning and watching and doing” (260). Clearly, deep knowledge and experience is incredibly important for accurate thin-slicing. We college students desperately lack this deep knowledge necessary to accurately thin-slice, particularly in regard to relationships. A brief reminder: you’re either a teenager or in your early twenties. If you’re a guy, you’re still learning a lot about girls, and if you’re a girl, you’re still learning a lot about guys (even though you like to think that we’re simple). Most of my friends have told me at some point that: “You can’t live with them, you can’t live without them,” or that “I can’t figure them out” in relation to the opposite sex. No matter how many break-ups you've had, how long you’ve been dating, or how long you've been single, there’s a mystery and lack of knowledge that we each have for each other.
And yet, here we are, dealing with our BROTHERS and SISTERS in Christ, making very broad, defining judgments of their character and personality on the basis of first impressions and with our under-developed abilities to thin-slice those first impressions. We immediately put someone in a box based upon our ineffective analysis of who they are as a person, due to our lack of knowledge of who they are and our general lack of wisdom and knowledge. Some people do not have good first impressions. Some have excellent first impressions but are not the person you want to befriend / date for a host of reasons. You need to get to KNOW them to see who they really are in order to make good judgments.
My primary contention is that far too much emphasis and value is placed upon our thin-slicing, when, in reality, we aren't qualified or equipped enough to thin-slice accurately. I’ve heard countless guys and girls tell me that it just “ didn't feel right” or “the chemistry wasn't there” when they first meet a guy or a girl and this often keeps both parties from trying to get to know each other (and if they do try to get to know each other, the experience is tainted by the first thinslice). The sad fact of the matter is that the source of that feeling is unreliable – it’s often based on a thin-slice that could not produce an accurate judgment of the person you met. This is exceptionally important to recognize, because of the immense degree to which feelings are idolized in our culture today in the context of relationships. Thankfully, God does not relate to us according to how He feels (which would send all of us to the fires of hell because of His just wrath against us) – rather, He does so according to His sovereign choice to love us.
This whole dilemma that I’ve attempted to describe is one of the primary reasons that there are so many single Christian guys and girls in America today. There are certainly other reasons, such as the use of facebook and texting (rather than face-to-face conversation) as primary means of communication, men not manning up (hence the video games in the previous situation – representing boredom, lack of initiative and ambition) and women with perceptions of “prince charming” that came more from a dream (or Disney or romance novels or Josh Harris) rather than the reality of the sinfilled world in which we live (hence my absolutely over-exaggerated example of what ought to be a normal interaction at GCC). The reason why thin-slicing is so important to recognize is because of its subversive, sub-conscious qualities – you may not even realize how much you’re damning yourself by listening to your mis-informed feelings. This selfawareness
is unspeakably important.
Moving Forward
My plea is that we would give each other more grace - that’s really what this is all about. Right now we’re so quick to judge, and what I've sought to argue is that the source of our judgments (thin-slicing by our adaptive unconscious) is currently not developed enough to judge accurately and effectively. In time, it will be, as we continue to learn from the relationships / friendships we have with others. But remember, once again, that these archeologists were only as good as they were because of their experience and education. They messed up many times in the past, no doubt, when they were inexperienced and still learning.
We too are learning. My plea is NOT that we would neglect our instinct and throw thin-slicing out the window. Rather, my hope is that we would put thin-slicing in its place - a place where it isn’t elevated to the level you and I have put it, where it governs so much of the way we interact with our brothers and sisters in Christ. Self-awareness is critical in this whole discussion – we must be aware of the holes in our judgment. The most successful people are “the ones that understand how to combine rational analysis with instinctive judgment” (272), which is a life-long process that we have only begun.
We must be aware of the holes in our instinctive judgment - more aware of our fickle and oft-graceless hearts. Once we become more aware of these holes, we will be able to more quickly and effectively tear down the paradigm and welcome new information, seeing people for who they really are instead of in the boxes in which we place them. We need more education and experience - we need to get to know each other better (whether that’s through dating or just becoming friends) before we make a judgment call, letting our emotions and feelings start to naturally grow between each other.
In conclusion, we must remember WHY we ought to give each other more grace. It is because Christ has poured out costly grace for those who believe on Him for their salvation. Christ did not have to show such mercy - His wrath was fully justified in every way towards our rebellion. And yet, out of the depths of his inestimable love, He has called us to Himself, beckoning us to believe on Him and rest upon Him and His righteousness. He is the atonement for sin, the substitute for our wretchedness, the lover of our souls, and the Savior of sinners. It is this glorious Gospel that must govern the way in which we interact with all humanity – an interaction that extends Truth, humility, forgiveness, grace,and love.
Praise God for such a Gospel. May we live in such a way that reflects the Truths therein.
Sources / Recommended Reading:
Malcolm Gladwell: “Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking”, Back Bay Books (2007)
