Labor Day weekend comes to a close today. The weekend in which summer officially comes to a close and where a nice long weekend is enjoyed by all.
But anyways this was the first Labor Day where I wasn't in school and alas which means I am no longer a college student. That being said what do I do with my time off from work? Head right back up to college and spend some quality time with the friends that have yet to graduate.
I got in quite late or rather early whichever way you look at it. I got to see some great people from the very start and clearly I was on an emotional high and just so happy and overjoyed to be hanging with buddies of mine (with no homework hanging over my head).
Fast-forward to Monday. I've hung out with basically everyone I wanted to see and now comes the time to say good-bye to a person I would call one of my best friends. We both acknowledged how we'll see each other again soon (roughly three months), but we also agreed how we just didn't want to leave and get back to the "real" world. Back to the grind of work (yes I know I just started but still work is work right?). Needless to say we were both quite reluctant to leave but got into our cars and left campus. However I had one more stop before getting home and so made my way to the annual swimmer picnic. Got to see a few more people and grabbed some leftover food for a quick lunch and I was out of there, feeling no different from before. And then as I drove I passed the small town of Portersville. Just a tiny town in western PA that meant nothing to me til this past year. And why does it have any importance to me now? Well in this town lives two sets of uncles and aunts of my ex-girlfriend, and is where I met a handful of the family that lives out on the east coast. Not gonna lie from there a flood of emotions hit me. The low of leaving intensified and the emotions, that I thought I was handling well, from my breakup slapped me across the face.
Seems perhaps it was just the opportune time for them to come out in the car, where I was alone. But to be honest, the worst thing was that I had no confidant to confide in. That role for me tends to fall to the person closest to me. Now I do not hide myself from people, however I label myself as one who has many "friends" but very few close friends. I'm decently sociable and get along fairly well with everyone. But that intimacy shared between true friends isn't something freely given, even by me. But when I do invest my time and trust into someone I do it fully and of course when that relationship is cut off, of course I feel the repercussions. In the car, I questioned the Lord out loud saying "What do you really have planned for me? And why all of this now?" Immediately, Jeremiah 29:11 popped into my head and I just mentally said to the Lord "Ok, ok I get it."
I hate that feeling so much. I really do. I may be a different person than I was four years ago. Nevertheless I still want to be in control of my life as much as I can, who doesn't? But like I've learned time after time these past few years. Let the Lord take control of the roller coaster and everything will end up ok.
My emotional deluge ceased there with a wave of reassurance. But not one that came without a struggle. That choked up feeling still haunts me, and I know with time it'll no longer be and all that will be left will be a scar that pales in comparison to the wound it used to be.
I look up as I finish writing this post almost a week late and see the post-it note on my desk:
Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
I pray that that verse speaks to you as well.
Seems perhaps it was just the opportune time for them to come out in the car, where I was alone. But to be honest, the worst thing was that I had no confidant to confide in. That role for me tends to fall to the person closest to me. Now I do not hide myself from people, however I label myself as one who has many "friends" but very few close friends. I'm decently sociable and get along fairly well with everyone. But that intimacy shared between true friends isn't something freely given, even by me. But when I do invest my time and trust into someone I do it fully and of course when that relationship is cut off, of course I feel the repercussions. In the car, I questioned the Lord out loud saying "What do you really have planned for me? And why all of this now?" Immediately, Jeremiah 29:11 popped into my head and I just mentally said to the Lord "Ok, ok I get it."
I hate that feeling so much. I really do. I may be a different person than I was four years ago. Nevertheless I still want to be in control of my life as much as I can, who doesn't? But like I've learned time after time these past few years. Let the Lord take control of the roller coaster and everything will end up ok.
My emotional deluge ceased there with a wave of reassurance. But not one that came without a struggle. That choked up feeling still haunts me, and I know with time it'll no longer be and all that will be left will be a scar that pales in comparison to the wound it used to be.
I look up as I finish writing this post almost a week late and see the post-it note on my desk:
Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
I pray that that verse speaks to you as well.
No comments:
Post a Comment